I am on the other end of this - I got my first dog at 26. I was in a club toilet when I took the call that he’d been born, and I named him after the barman in the club. which tells you everything about my life at this point.
Fast forward 14 years and I can tell you right now - that dog made me a better person. He was routine, he needed me, he required patience, tolerance and love. He became my infrastructure - everything was based around something other than myself.
When he passed in 2022, I was bereft. Somehow that little guy became my everything. Don’t worry, the puppy days pass - and trust me, they’re a hoot in comparison to realising the most beautiful thing in your life is slowly fading.
I can't imagine how much I'll miss him! Even now whenever I think of him getting older I tear up... so strange how they worm their way into our hearts!
I just read this entire essay aloud to my partner because it so astutely describes those first few weeks. I found it so difficult to get my head around having a new responsibility--arguably, my first real one. It felt suffocating, which felt silly because a small part of me kept thinking "It's just a dog". I also despise the idea of slipping into being the 'settled woman', but I also think the people who take the piss out of that online are forgetting that we need meaning in our lives. And what is settled anyway? Maybe it's like how people say age is a number. Maybe you can get all these elements of stability (dog, long-term partner etc) and run wild in other areas. I loved this essay, you're a great writer. Excited to read more of your stuff.
Thank you so much! Yes, I think life is a lot longer and less chronological than we think (I admire a lot of women in my family who've taken a plunge in their fifties and sixties and gone in a whole new direction). There's so much to look forward to! Dog included haha
Like other readers I wondered how many weeks he was when you picked him up. Separation anxiety is a powerful driver and it can take special training to unlearn
Great article, people need to be more honest about this!
To anyone reading planning on picking up a puppy: they are often a *bit* easier to manage if you can keep them with their mom till 10 or even 12 weeks. A lot of development and emotional growth to them while they’re so young. 8 weeks is just the minimum to bring a puppy home but many say it’s too early. More breeders should say that! (Not that they’re easy even then!)
Thanks! Yes, he was on the young side but overall a great little guy, and very chilled out (my comparison point was of course not dog at all haha). I would def wait longer to take a dog home next time though!
‘About love, and devotion, and happiness — because he’s an unending reservoir of all three. I feel often that I don’t deserve his unconditional regard and forgiveness, which he offers so readily, but I want to be. I will try to be. I think that through that effort, I will find myself in a better place than I was.’
an unending reservoir… perfect! (that forgiveness too… perfect again)
we have had a dog or two for the 55 years we’ve lived together, was almost the first thing we did when I moved in to her commune (neither of our parents would let us have a dog growing up and we so ached for this)… but omfg the things our dogs have done, the trials (piss, poop, vomit… gouged walls, chewed furniture… i could go on, but trust me, we have seen it all) and the heartaches (you start knowing they will not always be here with you, and coping with that has by far been the hardest thing) but every minute together has been so precious
Ella!! I cannot express enough how much I loved this piece. I had a VERY similar experience. It wasn’t until getting a pup that I realized how much I cherished my discretionary time.
I hope you’ve found some of the ease and balance you are looking for ✨🙏
My first dog, acquired accidentally in my first year of Grad school was a black Cocker that a friend’s coworker had given up on. A deeper friend and loving companion was never born.
My dog was way harder than the child had been. I was shocked and at my wits’ end.
I think what Louisa said is very true - I got mine in the US where they hand them out at 8 weeks old which is way too early. At least 10-12+ weeks sound much better for everyone. This was true of my experience with a dog I had as a kid, which didn’t cause an apocalypse like the current one. I also encountered some major dog owning differences that I wasn’t prepared for, US vs Europe.
I am on the other end of this - I got my first dog at 26. I was in a club toilet when I took the call that he’d been born, and I named him after the barman in the club. which tells you everything about my life at this point.
Fast forward 14 years and I can tell you right now - that dog made me a better person. He was routine, he needed me, he required patience, tolerance and love. He became my infrastructure - everything was based around something other than myself.
When he passed in 2022, I was bereft. Somehow that little guy became my everything. Don’t worry, the puppy days pass - and trust me, they’re a hoot in comparison to realising the most beautiful thing in your life is slowly fading.
You guys are going to be fine ❤️
I can't imagine how much I'll miss him! Even now whenever I think of him getting older I tear up... so strange how they worm their way into our hearts!
I just read this entire essay aloud to my partner because it so astutely describes those first few weeks. I found it so difficult to get my head around having a new responsibility--arguably, my first real one. It felt suffocating, which felt silly because a small part of me kept thinking "It's just a dog". I also despise the idea of slipping into being the 'settled woman', but I also think the people who take the piss out of that online are forgetting that we need meaning in our lives. And what is settled anyway? Maybe it's like how people say age is a number. Maybe you can get all these elements of stability (dog, long-term partner etc) and run wild in other areas. I loved this essay, you're a great writer. Excited to read more of your stuff.
Thank you so much! Yes, I think life is a lot longer and less chronological than we think (I admire a lot of women in my family who've taken a plunge in their fifties and sixties and gone in a whole new direction). There's so much to look forward to! Dog included haha
Loved the juxtaposition of the title and the pic of the puppy primly sitting, eyes naive and thoughtless… cute and innocent as a porcelain doll. Perf
Haha he knows how to pose! Like butter wouldn't melt lol
Like other readers I wondered how many weeks he was when you picked him up. Separation anxiety is a powerful driver and it can take special training to unlearn
Great article, people need to be more honest about this!
To anyone reading planning on picking up a puppy: they are often a *bit* easier to manage if you can keep them with their mom till 10 or even 12 weeks. A lot of development and emotional growth to them while they’re so young. 8 weeks is just the minimum to bring a puppy home but many say it’s too early. More breeders should say that! (Not that they’re easy even then!)
Thanks! Yes, he was on the young side but overall a great little guy, and very chilled out (my comparison point was of course not dog at all haha). I would def wait longer to take a dog home next time though!
I so appreciated this essay, your story
‘About love, and devotion, and happiness — because he’s an unending reservoir of all three. I feel often that I don’t deserve his unconditional regard and forgiveness, which he offers so readily, but I want to be. I will try to be. I think that through that effort, I will find myself in a better place than I was.’
an unending reservoir… perfect! (that forgiveness too… perfect again)
we have had a dog or two for the 55 years we’ve lived together, was almost the first thing we did when I moved in to her commune (neither of our parents would let us have a dog growing up and we so ached for this)… but omfg the things our dogs have done, the trials (piss, poop, vomit… gouged walls, chewed furniture… i could go on, but trust me, we have seen it all) and the heartaches (you start knowing they will not always be here with you, and coping with that has by far been the hardest thing) but every minute together has been so precious
Ella!! I cannot express enough how much I loved this piece. I had a VERY similar experience. It wasn’t until getting a pup that I realized how much I cherished my discretionary time.
I hope you’ve found some of the ease and balance you are looking for ✨🙏
I could talk to you about the joy if having my cocker roll in horse shit and look proud after.
My first dog, acquired accidentally in my first year of Grad school was a black Cocker that a friend’s coworker had given up on. A deeper friend and loving companion was never born.
It is really amazing how the dog has given you personal clarity.
For all that, there is no life that can’t be improved by a dog.
Thank you for a fabulous read!
My dog was way harder than the child had been. I was shocked and at my wits’ end.
I think what Louisa said is very true - I got mine in the US where they hand them out at 8 weeks old which is way too early. At least 10-12+ weeks sound much better for everyone. This was true of my experience with a dog I had as a kid, which didn’t cause an apocalypse like the current one. I also encountered some major dog owning differences that I wasn’t prepared for, US vs Europe.